The other night I went to something called GAY POWER NETWORKING INTENSIVE, because when you see something called GAY POWER NETWORKING INTENSIVE, what are you going to do? Not go?
I figured that either I would get something out of the experience, or more likely, I could write about it later and make fun of the people there. Guess which one I'm doing.
I put on some non-skanky clothes and headed off to the Archbishop's Mansion, which is actually a hotel on Alamo Square. There in one dining room, where I'm pretty sure I was in previously for some other swanky gay party for the gay film fest, were all the gays. This is what I saw:
Stripes aplenty! This event was thrown by the Out Professionals, so the range of clothing only started at button-up dress shirts and ended in suits and ties, but dear god, the stripes! Pink stripes, salmon stripes, purple stripes, blue stripes, white stripes. Everybody in stripes!
Good hair abounds! I guess it's not a big surprise that the gays come well groomed. Despite all the fake highlighting and heavy gelling, nobody got too out of control.
Crystal methamphetamine! I am pretty sure I smelled that lovely chemical dry cleaner/ embalming fluid odor on three different people at the event. Nobody appeared to be tweaked out or anything, but you can tell by the smell!
Hotel management! I guess it also shouldn't be a surprise that hotel staff appear to be homos, but it was surprising to find so many hotel homos in one room.
Nobody able to do anything for anybody! The people I met included a sports writer, a newscaster, lots of hotel people, one unemployed person, two lawyers, a pharmaceutical advertising person, and an actor/hairstylist. Out of all those people, the only one who could have conceivably made a good business contact is the hairstylist.
But honestly, fans, I was happy I went. Everyone I know is a depressed alcoholic trendoid barfly. These people weren't (except probably for those on crystal meth). It's good to get out of the gutter every now and then.