Lately I seem to be living out of my element (stinky dive bars), and I've enjoyed the change immensely. The more I write about what I used to enjoy, the less I enjoy the old stuff and the more I enjoy the new stuff, even though after I do the new stuff I try to sell stories based on it, which will turn it into old stuff. It's all very complicated.
As I've procrastinated so long that I've forgotten the details (also, I was drunk and forgot the details), I'll give you the rough synopsis on some of the latest happenings.
Harry Denton's Starlight Room
I've written about top-floor hotel bars in San Francisco on multiple occasions, but
I've never been in any of them. Who knew, the view was great! It's fun to look at the tall
buildings at eye level and look down upon the
peons below. (Usually, I have to look up to look down on people.) But I don't like having more
than a couple drinks at that elevation.
You never know when there's going to be a Towering Inferno-type situation and I'm
going to have to take control and save the whole building.
Possible story: How safe is your local bar?
The Four Seasons
Somehow I ended up going to the Four Seasons twice in three days. The first time I drank whiskey
and ate snacks while we were the only ones in the bar. The second time we had drinks,
a full dinner. then hit an after-party.
The best thing about the place is that it's all spaced out. At average bars,
even expensive ones, you're all crammed in tight, hoping to get a seat.
At the Four Seasons, every chair is at least three feet away from the next one.
You can just sit around a table and chilll.
Possible story: Is the space worth the price of the drinks?
Lesbian Brunches
I went to two lesbian brunches and a gay(ish) barbecue on the same day. As you know,
lesbians don't usually brunch and gays don't usually barbecue, but the world was turned
all topsy-turvy on Pink Saturday. These events were the only things I did on gay
pride weekend because as you may recall, I'm not particularly proud of being gay.
(It was a lab accident, much like how the Fantastic Four got their superpowers.)
I guess I don't have any interesting observations about lesbian brunches, except that when I said, "I have two lesbian brunches to go to today. Lesbians love me!", all the lesbians present gave me a dirty look.
Possible story: How to piss off lesbians in one sentence or less.
Hiking with Homos
I went on two hikes with a gay hiking group. I do this not because I care about the gay part.
I've found with hiking, scuba diving, and other activities (at least ones where drag queens and
club trash are not an integral part of the event), that the gays do an excellent job
of planning and executing. It must be the anal thing.
On the gay hikes, we all meet at 9AM, with a built-in buffer of 15 minutes scheduled before we leave. (The buffer is published on the schedule.) Then we carpool at maximum passenger capacity. The approximate amount of money the carload should share for gas, park admission, and tolls is given in advance. At the hike start, everybody signs a form that lists an emergency contact phone number, we take a roll count, then begin the hike. As only the hike leader knows the particular trails we'll be taking that day, we wait at every trail branch for the hike leader to tell us which way to go.
Then we all stop for lunch and people whip out shit like crab salad and foccacia sandwiches, then head back. Afterwards, the hike leader tries to get everyone together for coffee at the nearest cafe before heading home. It takes about 6 hours to walk 12 miles.
So yeah, it's retarded and slow as fuck, but the meeting spot is close to my house and it's the only way I'm going to get out of the city.
Possible story: How to get out into nature when you don't have a car.
Return to Berkeley
Fans, you know how I feel about Jerkley. But my friend Michelle was having a July 4th barbecue
so I sucked it up and went. Michelle used to live a block and a half away from me in the
Mission, but now she lives in a mansion in the Oakland Hills. Okay, she lives in an au pair
apartment connected to a mansion, but still! The house next to her was built on a bridge
over a canyon. As in, they built the bridge so they'd have somewhere to stick the house
because there was this big canyon where they wanted to put it.
Michelle's friends all lived in Berkeley, and each of them asked me, "Do you live in Berkeley too?" when I met them. That's what happens when you move to Berkeley- you forget why a real city is better and you get too lazy to cross a bridge to San Francisco and you just hang out with other former city dwellers in coffee shops and meditation classes and you start wearing fabrics in earth tones all made out of hemp. It scares me.
Then again, I brought the tofu dogs and everyone else ate meat, so who's the hippy now?
Possible story:How do you piss off stuck-up city-dwellers? (Answer: show them your mansion.)