Camper's Log - January 6, 2006
Dear Fans,
If you saw me right now, you'd say, "Jeepers Crackers! How many zits do you have
right now Camper?" Well...
I Have So Many Zits That
Should we ever enter in some kind of conflict where the wartime production of
zits were crucial to defending the country, I could single-handedly turn the
tide of the conflict.
If someone were to have trouble unlocking their door, I would offer to wipe
their key on my face to use in place of a graphite lubricant.
If they found a way to make gasoline from facial grease, I could fuel the entire
US Army helicopter fleet for two weeks.
If it were hot enough I could fry hamburgers directly on my face.
If there was a country called Zitopa, they'd have to grant me an honorary citizenship.
In a blackout we could squeeze the oil from my face into hurricane lamps and bring light
to the darkness.
If we were stranded in the wilderness, the glare off my face would signal rescue planes.
If someone tried to strangle me, they could never get a grip on my neck.
Eskimos have been trying to use me as an alternative source of fuel
while sperm whales repopulate from overfishing.
When I wash my face in the sink I'll have to follow with Liquid Plumber
to make sure the grease doesn't solidify and clog the municipal sewer system.
If they had a Mr. Zit USA contest, they would have to give me a special lifetime
achievement award.
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