Camper's Log - October 26, 1998

Dear Fans,

As you know, many people read my kind words here on your screen. But perhaps you did not know that so many people seek me out for advice on personal issues. I get so much fanmail asking for advice that I thought perhaps I could help even more people by posting my responses. I live my whole life to help others.

Children's Letters to Camper

Dear Camper,
I am a 13 year-old Catholic schoolgirl. Sometimes the other girls can be so mean! They tease me and call me names and I just don't like them! It makes me really mad but I don't know what to do. Can you help me?
-Susie

Dear Susie,
For many people middle and highschool can be a very tough time. Not only do you have to deal with school, but also the pressures of puberty. It only makes it worse when your "friends" are mean. Of course I didn't have any of these problems cause I was wicked popular. But here is some advice for you: Start Smoking Marijuana. Nothing passes time quicker and takes the pressure off than being stoned constantly. In fact, if you start smoking just a few joints a day now, by the time you realize that nobody is bothering you anymore you will have been done with school for a few years and fully integrated into your new life in the food service industry. Enjoy!
-camper

Dear Camper,
I am a 13 year-old Catholic schoolgirl. I guess I am an early bloomer cause suddenly I got really tall and skinny and grew mammoth breasts. My tiny plaid skirt looks minuscule and I think the boys are looking up it all the time! Everytime I walk to school I get soaked with a cold blast of water from a lawn sprinkler and I arrive to school with my hard nipples poking right through my tight white shirt! Should I be wearing a bra or panties?
-Tracy

Dear Tracy,
I read your letter over several times. I even took it home to reflect on it while laying in bed. I found your problem to be very challenging and exciting. Thank you for sharing it with me.
-camper

Dear Camper,
I am a 13 year-old Catholic schoolgirl. Sometimes I hear voices telling me things. They tell me to punch the other girls and do other things that the nuns say are wrong. I am really confused and I don't know what to do!
-Sandy

Dear Sandy,
This is not a bug, but a feature. Or, to put it into non-computer dork terms: Some of us are chosen. We are the special children of a higher power. Now you will join us. Do not fight what the voices say to you. They will help to make you stronger and give you the ability to defeat your enemies. Welcome, sister.
-camper

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