My father went on a trip to Haiti and sent me the following email. Normally I guess people dont spend too much time humiliating their parents; but in this case he allready forwarded this email to about 20 people so it's his own fault. But this only goes to show that truth is a whole lot more funny than fiction. Enjoy.
>Subject: Barry's Memories of a Missionary Trip to Haiti 3/13 - 3/23/98
This happened on the last day I was in Haiti...................
I woke up early that day with the stomach feeling a little iffy.
I took a shot of pepto bismol to settle things.
My dress was light tan kacki pants and white shirt & suspenders.
You are required to arrive at the airport two hours early for
international flights.
The flight was scheduled for 1:50 and our ride got us there about
1:15........
We had to go thru a metal dectector.
Then a paper processing.
and finally a second metal dectector.
I'm feeling worse and worse in each line, but no time to break out.
At the final check I beep and they frisk me with their wand device.
OH, PLEASE HURRY!
Then I raced upstairs and headed for the bathroom.
THE CRAMPS ARE GETTING STRONGER!
There was a long hall with the men's room first and then woman's room way
down the hall.
IS HE GOING TO MAKE IT?
I grabbed the men's door knob.....locked!
OH, WHAT A LONG HALLWAY
I raced down the hall for the woman's room.
Too late!
I stood there and craped my pants in the hallway of an international
airport.
It ran down the inside of both pant legs and onto my white socks and
sneakers.
I ran into the women's room and said to the two women standing in there,"
I'm sorry, I just crapped my pants"
Wow, they sure bolted out of there!
I went into the stall and sat down (Mistake) Now there is poop all over
the seat.
I look around, no toilet paper. (How will I clean up?)
I peared out the door of the stall.....no one in the room. So I went out
in the main
area of the women's room. The toilet paper is out there! Apparently you
were supposed to take just enough in the stall with you.
I'm not in the room long, and it absolutely reaks in there, from me.
I sat down in the main room, took off my pants, underware, socks and
sneakers.
underware- put in the garbage
socks -------put in the garbage
So there I sit ......in the woman's room....no pants on.......
and you guessed it
a woman pokes her head in......takes one look at me, sniffs and goes ,
"YUCK". and leaves.
OK I GET CLEANED UP AND NOW I AM SITTING THERE THINKING:...........
"I can't wear these pants!"
"My bags are already on the plane......."
"I have no other clothes......."
"They may not appreciate the idea of letting a naked man, get on their
plane....."
Fortunately there were 7 other people in our group leaving. They had
missed me and came to my aid. They searched thru what they were carrying
and one of them had a bathing suit. Another went into a little shop and
bought a souvineer tee shirt.
This is how I made the trip.......
Big straw hat
tee shirt with a dumb looking Haiti picture
bathing suit (Didn't match!)
white sneakers (no socks)
When we get into the Miami airport we have to claim our bags.
As we take our bags to customs.......
This policeman starts to walk by with a german shepherd.
One of the guys calls back to me,
BARRY WATCH OUT, ITS THE SNIFFER DOG!
and our whole groups breaks out in uproarous laughter.
The dog didn't get me......but we sure had a good laugh thinking that
dogs sniffer couldn't have been that good to let ME pass by!
I was able to get into my bags then and get clean clothes.
We waited about 3 hours in Miami for our next flight.
We sat in a restaurant and laughed like fools.
People were looking at us like we were crazy.
We were all tired and giggley and so we discussed things like:
What would have happened if I had exploded when the girl was frisking me
with the wand? What if she had some other kind of dectector? Well, you
get the picture.
Hope you enjoyed this.
Hope you learned what I did......always carry a change of clothes with
you when you do plane travel......You never know when you might need
them.
Barry English
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Ahh, yes, that's my dad.
Email for suggestions, comments, etc.
camper english <camper@cramper.com>