We found on this first day- one of many grueling and long ones ahead during which each passing second seemed like an eternity in damnation- that our path took us up and over two sets of waterfalls. We followed these, as I had done in my previous visits to this same spot, upstream to the top of the falls.
We were not ten minutes into this journey when we realized that the great weight that we carried of our provisions upon our backs would make not only our motion slower than normal, but also put on us a great physical burden to go anywhere at all. "Damn, this is heavy," I said.
For all the food and nail clippers and flashlights I had brought, for all the protections of my sun hat and stylish glasses, for all the ankle support of my new hiking footwear and the peace of mind I would find in bringing with me a pen and paper on which to transcribe this tale, the thing I am most thankful to destiny for having remembered to take with me on this trip was my guide, scout, and manservant Erin. She was a California native and therefore much familiar with these strange lands. Without her I could nary find my way towards eventual safety, nor have someone to share my thoughts with (though I doubt in her primitive mind she could but fully wrap her head around the simplest of them), nor have anyone to work the camp stove which I found so complex.
We took frequent breaks on this first day of the journey, stopping to drink some of our precious water or to rest from the exhaustion, both physical and mental, of our unpleasant stroll. We also gathered more refreshment at these pauses.
We were lucky to have salvaged from the vehicle enough supplies with which to make a water filtration device. The system of tubing and levers we found useful thus: the tube was extended down to the water of the torrential river at the top of the falls, and the lever, being attached to the tubing and a filtration system, was used to create, with a pumping motion, a vacuous force, and thereby drew the water into it and upwards to the other end of the tube and squirted out. There, Erin placed the open end of one of the containers and filled it henceforth. By this method did she come to fill all our vessels until they were brim height with the quenching stuff.
After a short walk through the tall pines and dusty trail, we came to a place we deemed suitable to make our resting spot for the evening. Though Erin insisted that the place was known as "Little Yosemite Valley," it appeared as if it had once been inhabited and abandoned by savages or some other primitive peoples long ago, for we saw a post which so named it "Camp Boundary."
There we found a spot that was flat and quiet, which lay in the shade of a group of conifer trees of which species I, having been thrust unexpectedly into this miserable journey, knew not. We built up our fortitude- a ramshackle configuration of non-rip rainproof nylon- and lay our sorry and meager possessions around it.
No sooner had we made up our flimsy home for the night than did we narrowly escape a thrashing by a large beast of the forest. Though my nannies and tutors had warned me of such great creatures, I took their advice to be nothing more than mere old wives tales. Oh, but had I paid better attention! A giant, light brown gnarly monster bear the size of a Yugo did enter our camp, and did not leave until we took it upon ourselves to frighten it away with the banging of pots together.
We thanked the heavens for delivering us from the icy jaws of the creature, but knew now for sure that we would not be safe, nor sleep well, nor be able to close our eyes distractedly for a mere second upon the rest of our travels, for behind every bush or tree, sitting atop each boulder in the granite mountains, coming from under the water in every cold forest stream could be another, perhaps more hideous, beast such as the one we were lucky enough to escape.
Having decided that our fates were sealed and that our deaths were more certain than the sun rising the next day, we took it upon ourselves to prepare a final meal. We gained our nourishment by bringing, in a small aluminum pot placed over a lit candle fueled by a propane cylinder and shielded from the wind by a metal collar, water to a boil, after which, seeing that the water boiled thus, we poured the liquid into our bag of "instant potatoes and cheese with broccoli" that we had procured from the REI store and salvaged from the wreckage of our once great vehicle before the five mile journey to this point, stirred, waited the nine minutes as instructed per the directions on the outside of the package, (Oh time, what cruel measure you are, for when one enjoys the few pleasures in life, such as the scent of a rose or a toothless blowjob at a Greyhound bus station bathroom, you are fleeting; yet then when one finds oneself in the agony of expectant delight from a creamy reconstituted potato treat, you are infinitely abundant!), and set ourselves upon the task of consuming every last morsel.