Camper's Log - February 10, 2000

Dear Fans,

In case you were wondering why I am not sleeping with you, I've decided to make it clear. You see, there are so very many things wrong with San Francisco fags that I had to start categorizing seemingly desirable characteristics into their appropriate, negative departments. Like all of California, things that seem good are only so on the surface. Since I only enjoy hot and sweaty monkey sex with people I've known for more than ten minutes (OK, don't go spreading that around, I've got a bad reputation to protect) I look at potential mates not in the how-hot-are-you way, but in a could-you-be-my-long-term-bitch kinda way. I carry with me the following helpful chart to point me in the right direction when my eyes begin to stray.

Surface Deeper
good looking vapid
in college too young or too slow. I finished college 6 years ago.
young Nothing to offer but energy. I've got too much of that myself
old and still single? mental and/or commitment issues
stylish high-maintenance
sloppy dirty
smart I haven't met any smart single monogamous people in SF. Smart guys tend to be in relationships but actively seeking three-ways. I don't know why that is.
dumb dumb
butch issues with sexuality
femme unattractive
have serious job boring
retail/ counter job screw-up
does drugs probably a junkie
doesn't do drugs prude
hangs out in bars slutty
doesn't hang out in bars umm, I'm always in a bar. i wouldn't know where to meet this type of person.
close with family needy
hates family hateful
likes gay bars issues with reality
hates gay bars issues with sexuality
nice boring
mean mean
skinny makes me feel fat in comparison
fat reminds me of my own weight paranoias
happy hippy
sad depressing
artist lazy
musician lazy
doctor former med school student
lawyer evil
sexually experienced diseased
sexually inexperienced bad in bed
polyamorous not my scene
monogamous already taken
will have sex on the first date non-monogamous
won't have sex on the first date prude
doesn't read cramper.com can't appreciate my wit
reads cramper.com knows too much






Fanmail:
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