I sent in my driver's license auto-renewal form to the DMV, so that my picture would still be the one from five years ago. (I'm looking haggard these days.) They failed to mail me the license, but they did cash my check.
I realized on my birthday (thanks for all your cards and letters) that I'd better go down to the DMV to get a new one in person. It was there that they explained the problem:
Fans, I never bothered to legally change my first name to Camper. That's because it's already on all my IDs except my passport. It's on my driver's license, credit cards, utility bills, rental agreement, and all my paychecks, and has been for well over ten years.
But, as the DMV lady explained, after 9/11 your license name must exactly match your Social Security number. That was always a pain- I mail in my taxes and every statement lists Camper English as well as my payment checks, but any refund checks come addressed to Daniel. Ack.
The DMV lady made me fill out a name change form so that I could request my name be changed back to the name I don't use. Now it doesn't match any of my credit cards, so next time I get asked for photo ID to back them up, I'm screwed. They'll probably call the police on me. Thanks, September 11!
So I guess it was time to change my name for real. It was surprisingly easy to do (so far); just expensive. It was $350; then I have to go back to the DMV and fill out another name change form to change it back to the name I had on my license 3 months earlier. I go to court in June to make it official. But first I have to list my name change in a newspaper for four weeks. When I went in to do that, the newspaper guy who took my credit card looked at it and said, "But your name already is Camper." I know, right?
So I'll go before a judge and they'll ask if anyone objects to me changing my name then they stamp it. Apparently they do that so if I owe creditors any money they can come put a stop to it. My creditors won't be showing up for that, because all my bills go to Camper already. (And I owe them $350.)
Hopefully that's the end of the paperwork, because after the June date I have one week before my passport expires and I'd like to get it with the name that matches all my other IDs.
So what I'm saying is if you really want to fuck with me, come down to the courthouse and testify and make my life hell.