When I get near something
it bursts into flames
I don't remember doing it-
I can't be to blame!
It's accidental-
with a purposeful twist
does that still make me
a bad arsonist?
You'd think that someday
maybe I'd learn
that everything I touch
will eventually burn.
My friends all know it-
They scream in fright
anytime a stranger
asks me for a light.
I'm telling the truth here
cause I'm not a good liar
I just walked by your house
and it caught right on fire.
I stopped into a church
to investigate a loud crash,
then next thing I knew
the whole place was ash!
I made myself a promise
and I'm not even joking
my new year's resolution
is to quit all this smoking.